Of Being Alone, And Being Left Alone…

Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else’s opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation.” – Oscar Wilde

I’m in college now. And it is boring.

There’s mighty little I’ve for company here. Or rather, there’s mighty little I’ve in the room for friends. Hi-hellos abound, and honestly, I do prefer to keep it this way. So, as such, even though there’re a lot of people present, and many those from more or less the same background as me, I can’t really get to relate myself to what they are. I don’t mean to say that they’re abhorrent, weird, uncouth and silly – no, not at all. They’re smart – as they’ve a nice circle of nice fellas around them – and probably have nice personalities as well – as they manage to keep that nice circle around them.

Which are both more than what can be said about the louse that I am.

But for whatever reason, I can’t really understand their ways – or rather, the way they see things.

Even as I find all the reasons to say that this place is like a total asylum – my college, and the city of Pune – there is a case for me being quite in the closed shell myself.

Am not a majorly outgoing sorta chap. Prefer to keep things simple. Can’t see the point in splurging cash to develop a personality around myself – something that is as barren as the things I use to build it. Don’t see the point in smoking, or alcohol, and can’t totally understand the thing about partying. And since a major chunk of people here are those that thrive on these very foundations, I can’t but help distancing myself into the smoke. One of the many intolerable vices present in Yours Truly – can’t really see the point in doing something, until I understand its purpose. So am sorry for myself – I’m rather dumb enough not to get hold of what probably is life for half the population of the hallowed city of Pune.

That, perhaps, has a lot to do with the kind of life I enjoyed in school – I can say that I enjoyed in school, because that’s what I did. People weren’t really interested in showing off all the time, and as a consequence of which, weren’t pretending to be others. People had hope as well – they wanted to do something, and it really reflected in the things they did to pass their free time. There was a certain spirit – a joie de vivre – that bound us. A desire to do something, a desire to prove ourselves, a desire to be recognised as achievers.

School was good.

But here in college, I see it totally different. As this friend of mine – and you know the grind when I say friend – said to me just this Tuesday. He complained that I wasn’t enjoying college at all. And when I asked how are we to do that, his answer was rather, well, au point.

You need to have a lot of useless friends who won’t help you at all in life…

As I’ve been taking pains to elaborate above, I’ve somehow never been upto this idea of the useless friend – though most people who are the latter prove themselves equal to the former. However, one does feel lonely. The people who’ve been good to you, the people who’ve turned out to be nice, the people who do matter to you – the dearest of your friends – are sometimes the ones who leave you to fend for yourselves. You search for those days of laughter, those songs of simplicity and those joys of brotherhood – but seems that like the miraculous dream of childhood, and the infinite fantasy of adolescence, these too have vanished. Vanished into the land where Time too stops by to smell the fragrance of the dew. Everyone now does have other priorities, or if not, begin to judge you on the latest goss dished out by the fishmongers.

The heart seeks those days again. Or if not, at least those kind of people again. Agony lies in the reality that neither shall come back again, and we’ll have to trudge alone.

So, I guess that puts it in perspective. I don’t really think am cut for this, and at the same time, don’t really like being all alone in here with none. And am not really sure that the title still makes sense to you or not, but, well, that’s what we’re looking at. It begins to make some sense to me, and I think in some good time, it’ll to you as well.

Well, in any case, I’ve written something. Normally, I publish my older files when I start a blog. But this time, since there is a massive breaking from tradition – rather establishing new ones, here’s something:

Nomad

Am waiting now,

As I’ve been for a long time now,

For a miracle – another traveller.

 

My travels have been mine.

And the journey, a solitary race.

I’d love for there to be someone – the heart aches for company.

 

I may not know her, or be with her.

But someone to share the road, someone to think with.

Another nomad!

 

For we know that despite the journey we share,

There awaits a solitary end – nothing shared.

And each must travel his own path.

 

For the road ends where it begins.

And, I hope, so can we!

Happy Holi!

Advertisements

10 Comments Add yours

  1. Aakriti Ahuja says:

    Sometimes, despite being very close to someone we really can’t submerge ourselves into the deep ocean of thoughts… that actually define this ‘someone’ for us. Life gives us endless opportunities to create miracles but we turn each one down thinking that we ain’t capable of it… And then comes the dawn of the day when we begin to know the power of thoughts that is there within us. The power that makes us what we are, the power that defines our actions, ur motives, OUR purpose in life.
    An expression that touches the soul with a gentle breeze… leaving it’s mark!

    Good luck!

    Like

  2. knowledge365 says:

    Nomad. Short and sweet, clear to see what you’re talking about, without being too straight-forward. I like it. And I sure like the subject matter. It’s like you read my mind!:)

    Like

  3. Samantha Bangayan says:

    Beautiful, Abhi. I love the constrasting image of a nomad searching for or even being with a companion. I guess, in the end, each person’s journey is ultimately solitary, but solitary doesn’t necessarily mean loneliness.

    Like

  4. abhiqrtz says:

    “I praise the Frenchman [Voltaire], his remark was shrewd
    — How sweet, how passing sweet, is solitude!
    But grant me still a friend in my retreat
    Whom I may whisper — solitude is sweet.”

    – William Cowper

    Like

  5. Monarc says:

    “smoking, or alcohol, and can’t totally understand the thing about partying”

    Even the Devil has something good to offer

    By the way, what’s with the space before the apostrophe in “can’t” and them type words (I forgot the name of them words)? Is it some sort of rule or something? This is not the first person or time 🙂

    Like

    1. abhiqrtz says:

      Ha ha ha!

      I’m sure he does. But, for my own part, I’d rather not try them. The Red Devils – Manchester United – is as far as I prefer to go.

      And didn’t totally get the part about “can’t” – as far as I can see, there’s no space between the apostrophe and the preceding character. If you point out which place, I’ll check it out better.

      Like

  6. Monarc says:

    I like that you have a sense of humor, I can chat with you better. Nothing else to expect from someone with an ‘About’ page such as yours

    Like

  7. Monarc says:

    ‘Twas in the part I quoted.

    “Don’t see the point in smoking, or alcohol, and can ’t totally understand the thing about partying”

    See it now? I just remarked it cos someone else does it so I thought it was some rule when actually yours was a mistake.

    Like

    1. abhiqrtz says:

      Thanks a ton, for your words, Monarc!

      I went to that part, but can’t really seem to find any extra space. Maybe there’s some issue with the formatting and rendering of the pages. Really appreciate your awareness and help.

      And I invite you to roam through the rest of the blog. I’m sure that you’ll enjoy other posts as well.

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s