“Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else’s opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation.” – Oscar Wilde
I’m in college now. And it is boring.
There’s mighty little I’ve for company here. Or rather, there’s mighty little I’ve in the room for friends. Hi-hellos abound, and honestly, I do prefer to keep it this way. So, as such, even though there’re a lot of people present, and many those from more or less the same background as me, I can’t really get to relate myself to what they are. I don’t mean to say that they’re abhorrent, weird, uncouth and silly – no, not at all. They’re smart – as they’ve a nice circle of nice fellas around them – and probably have nice personalities as well – as they manage to keep that nice circle around them.
Which are both more than what can be said about the louse that I am.
But for whatever reason, I can’t really understand their ways – or rather, the way they see things.
Even as I find all the reasons to say that this place is like a total asylum – my college, and the city of Pune – there is a case for me being quite in the closed shell myself.
Am not a majorly outgoing sorta chap. Prefer to keep things simple. Can’t see the point in splurging cash to develop a personality around myself – something that is as barren as the things I use to build it. Don’t see the point in smoking, or alcohol, and can’t totally understand the thing about partying. And since a major chunk of people here are those that thrive on these very foundations, I can’t but help distancing myself into the smoke. One of the many intolerable vices present in Yours Truly – can’t really see the point in doing something, until I understand its purpose. So am sorry for myself – I’m rather dumb enough not to get hold of what probably is life for half the population of the hallowed city of Pune.
That, perhaps, has a lot to do with the kind of life I enjoyed in school – I can say that I enjoyed in school, because that’s what I did. People weren’t really interested in showing off all the time, and as a consequence of which, weren’t pretending to be others. People had hope as well – they wanted to do something, and it really reflected in the things they did to pass their free time. There was a certain spirit – a joie de vivre – that bound us. A desire to do something, a desire to prove ourselves, a desire to be recognised as achievers.
School was good.
But here in college, I see it totally different. As this friend of mine – and you know the grind when I say friend – said to me just this Tuesday. He complained that I wasn’t enjoying college at all. And when I asked how are we to do that, his answer was rather, well, au point.
You need to have a lot of useless friends who won’t help you at all in life…
As I’ve been taking pains to elaborate above, I’ve somehow never been upto this idea of the useless friend – though most people who are the latter prove themselves equal to the former. However, one does feel lonely. The people who’ve been good to you, the people who’ve turned out to be nice, the people who do matter to you – the dearest of your friends – are sometimes the ones who leave you to fend for yourselves. You search for those days of laughter, those songs of simplicity and those joys of brotherhood – but seems that like the miraculous dream of childhood, and the infinite fantasy of adolescence, these too have vanished. Vanished into the land where Time too stops by to smell the fragrance of the dew. Everyone now does have other priorities, or if not, begin to judge you on the latest goss dished out by the fishmongers.
The heart seeks those days again. Or if not, at least those kind of people again. Agony lies in the reality that neither shall come back again, and we’ll have to trudge alone.
So, I guess that puts it in perspective. I don’t really think am cut for this, and at the same time, don’t really like being all alone in here with none. And am not really sure that the title still makes sense to you or not, but, well, that’s what we’re looking at. It begins to make some sense to me, and I think in some good time, it’ll to you as well.
Well, in any case, I’ve written something. Normally, I publish my older files when I start a blog. But this time, since there is a massive breaking from tradition – rather establishing new ones, here’s something:
Am waiting now,
As I’ve been for a long time now,
For a miracle – another traveller.
My travels have been mine.
And the journey, a solitary race.
I’d love for there to be someone – the heart aches for company.
I may not know her, or be with her.
But someone to share the road, someone to think with.
For we know that despite the journey we share,
There awaits a solitary end – nothing shared.
And each must travel his own path.
For the road ends where it begins.
And, I hope, so can we!