There is serendipity, of course, in life. But for every event ascribed to it, there are ten that fall under the massive euphemism that is accident. Regrettably, we do not make as many fortunate discoveries as unfortunate blunders, and therefore live life in a perennial habit of criticism and moaning.
I must confess here that of this charge, I am guilty than most. The few friends I’ve managed to acquire – though a part of the Facebook generation, I still retain the mental faculty to distinguish between a friend and an acquaintance – in all my years on Earth will testify that I have the propensity to plunge into depths of gloom that would certainly equal, if not challenge, the darks of the Mariana Trench. It is not something I do on purpose, or that my life is a ceaseless Greek tragedy. It is, I guess, just the way I am.
To that end, then, something happened this last week. Something that brought me out totally in contrast to this above version of myself. So much in contrast, in fact, that till now I cannot believe that things came to pass in the manner they did.
Here’s what happened…
I was moving from my room to another, carrying my laptop with me. Atop the computer sat its charger, with its cables vowen into loops so intricate that I think it is impossible for human hands to recreate them. As I passed the door, some sub-loop of the aforementioned loop wrapped itself on the door knob.
Science was never a strength of mine, and despite having been a student of the subject through school, I know sod all about almost everything it covers. As such, I cannot explain precisely how, or why, did the following come to pass. What I can vouch for, however, is the merciless accuracy with which it did. Thanks to said entanglement, I was pulled behind, though the appropriate expression is perhaps sucked behind, and this somehow led to the laptop slipping off my hands, and falling some three feet to the floor on its lid!
It took little time for me to discover that my hard disk had crashed!
I won’t bore you with the details of what I did next to salvage the situation. I will with the thoughts this ‘accident’ brought to me.
When shifting to the Bangalore, I’d stuck upon the ingenious idea of taking documents and pictures I found most important with me to the city, and so I ‘cut’ them off my home machine, performing a similar operation on the data stored on my Android’s memory card. It was my most private data, and in doing so I ensured that I became the only with any access to it. While that is a comforting thought to someone very paranoid about his privacy, it had a very fatal flipside. Since the laptop was the only store of this data, when its hard disk went, it took away with itself my adolescence and early adulthood in its entirety.
In one swift fall, I’d lost all my memories of the better part of the last five years – everything that I’d written, almost every image that I’d been involved in. Essays on the desire to grow, images that held the promise of tomorrow, poems of love, songs of pain…all of it, in one moment, catapulted by the harmless entanglement of a battery charger and aided by a doorknob, lost!
This was precisely the point when I would begin to question it occurrence. For some reason, I can never treat an accident as one, and set about finding what Life is trying to convey to me through it. I did that this time as well, to be honest, but for some reason, did not ponder much over it.
If there’s a new direction to be taken, let the road take a bend, and we shall think then. If the pages I wrote yesterday don’t make for a good script tomorrow, hand me a new page, and I’ll write anew. The past and the future, come to think of it, are shadows: they are only your shapes, they aren’t shaped by you. They follow you, but are heavily distorted by an external agent, light: neither is it as long as you see it, nor as dark. It is what you make, love, but not who you are!
I don’t know if it is a sign that all memories of my past are dead: the hardware outside may crash, the hardware within does not so easily. I don’t know if it is a sign that I am ignoring signs. All I know is that there’s enough crap in the world outside for us to stuff our brains and hearts with, and if we must live life to its fullest, if we must become our fullest, the way to do it is by doing things, and not exploring it to find meaning.
Armed, and fabulous, with this powerful insight, I set about getting the laptop fixed. It took a while, but it is back in shape – apparently, I’ve a pretty deadly warranty on this system: 2011 to 2015!