The last post might have led you to believe that I am quite bitter at the end of the year. But that’s not entirely true!
The end of any particular thing makes me quite emotional and vulnerable, and Nostalgia rather frequently gathers its dark clouds and pours forth memories and miseries in a storm I am quite incapable of withstanding. From this storm of friends and lovers, good times and bad, hopes and hermitages, alliances and accords, come scenes that were once lived.
I see them, feel them, but they are distant. I cannot touch them, but only endure them in moments of pathos and hopelessness. My friends, should you read this, know that I remember our time together. I am grateful that I found you, and you me, and of all that passed to this point. I am happy that I will always have you.
What time is once past is finished, and yet we keep going back, like ghosts.
I see their faces,
In hours of dark, through the sunlit day,
In everyday events that live in history,
Remnants of another life. Ghosts.
Their smiles still haunt my happiness,
Their tears still mingle with mine,
And oft on nights when thunder erodes the heavens,
Their arms still wrap around me,
Their anecdotes lie about in abundance,
In the diary, the morning cup, in curtains,
In the songs of the fireside of a winter night,
In the rain that fell that summer morning,
Each eye layered with kohl so black,
And kisses that left an after taste of olives,
Each moment lost as each moment gained,
Each smile withered in dismal belief,
Midnight movies, and all night expeditions,
Drives on chilling highways to nowhere,
Grave trials of love, and drunken yearnings,
I do all this still, but only half,
How I long for their familiar faces,
Those quarrels, those smiles, those crazy,
Each moment brings them closer to me,
Each minute takes them away never to return,
If I could only hold you all again,
Friends, lovers, sunshine of yore,
If only you were here with me, not just in me,
If only yesterday and tomorrow would collide,
For it seems that roads have diverged that once began together,
And the smiles, the love, the bonding that once was,
Have been buried while they live,
Leaving me with remnants of another life. Ghosts.